Have you ever felt like you are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing in life? I have been reflecting on my experience second shooting throughout the past week. Collectively, I worked for about 20 hours. I am thinking that I shot for at least half of that, perhaps even three-fourths of the time. It was amazing. As I said in an earlier post it was an adrenaline rush. In light of that experience, I have been thinking about what I want to be when I grow up and I always go back to the fact that when I was a kid I knew what I wanted to be. I wanted to sing and be a musician but I would never actually say I wanted to be a singer or musician; I always said I wanted to be a performer. In hindsight, I find my choice of words interesting. It is as if I knew, unbeknownst to me at the time, that I did not truly want to be a singer, all I really wanted was a stage. I adore performing. I have always loved the stage and looking back this past week I know I have found the stage I have been looking for; the photographer I was shooting for even says that being a photographer is performing. That’s ironic and incredible.
I love feeling alive. I love feeling intelligent, productive, and creative. Pursuing photography makes me feel all of that. Being a photographer makes me feel all of that. I really think that doing photography is what I was born to do. Have you ever felt this? The only other time I have felt like “this is what I was born to do” was when I was giving my daughter a bath, she was 2 or 3 months at the time and I felt so happy about my baby, I remember thinking specifically “this is what I was made to do” which is different from “born to do.” That was a different feeling though because it was calming and relaxing. It was from a place of contentment whereas I would say my passion for photography is from a place of ambition. Motherhood has never challenged me. I love being a mom but I feel like it’s normal for moms to be freaked out, self-conscious, and unsure of what they’re doing. I’ve never felt that way. I have felt tired from being a mom but never like this is pushing me past my limits or out of my comfort zone. Photography pushes me. Being a mom feels like a big hug around my heart whereas photography feels like an adrenaline shot to the heart! I’m addicted to learning and I love learning about photography and I especially love learning that I have found what I was born to do. How fierce is that?