You know that joke that people die in threes? Well, I guess it is true, and then some. In the last month I’ve known 3 people directly that have passed away. And then I know about 5 people by one degree of separation that have passed. I feel like it’s a season of death. But it’s Spring and since I was gardening the other day I feel like this isn’t right. I planted a few tulips and lilies and geraniums so in my mind it is officially Spring – it even felt hot a few days ago! Spring is supposed to be a time of life and blooming. Not death. A few posts ago I stated I wanted change but I didn’t mean I wanted someone to die.
Two weeks and a day ago I got one of those dreaded phone calls. The one where someone asks you what you’re doing? This person has died. I need you to meet me at their house. My husband called to tell me that his mom was dead and he needed me to meet him at her house. One of those phone calls. So I get to her house and find police cars and a medical examiner truck outside. The least I can say is I’ve had a bad 2 weeks life wise (business wise I am doing well!) and I’m trying to recover, reflect and make sense of what’s occurred. I’m trying to make peace with this change. I am trying to find a way to be in the land of the living with some levity while dealing with death which can be weighty. I wasn’t close with my mother in law and my husband wasn’t close with her either so it’s not as if I just lost my best friend but you don’t realize the importance of someone’s role in your life, regardless of their level of significance they play, until they are gone. My daughter has lost her grandmother. I have both of my grandmothers living as of now and I adore them and the relationship I have with them. So I’m making peace with the fact that the possibility of that relationship with my daughter is gone. No more. I like change, I desire change. But I didn’t mean it like this.
Have you ever put your hands in a spinning fan? Like this windmill I feel like I have gotten spun in one of life’s wheel that it spins you through and hopefully it’s done spinning me because I am dizzy but things are getting clearer.
Fiercely reflecting and rejoining the land of the living,